A question that a lot of folks have been asking is why did I post this letter? What is the endgame? I did it for multiple reasons.
First and most importantly, I spoke up to protect the women he was actively targeting and to warn women in his path about his behaviors.
Second, I spoke up to let the women he had hurt know that there were others like them and that there are people who will listen and hear their story.
Third, I spoke up in an effort to hopefully wake him up, so that he can get tested and get the medical and psychological help that he needs.
While there has been a hell of a backlash, this message has worked on all three counts.
Regarding the first point, many women are now aware of his behaviors. They can now decide how they would like to interact with him moving forward.
Regarding the second point, many women have spoken up to tell their stories and over 60 people have stepped up to say that he has negatively impacted their life or the life of a friend due to the behaviors described in my original post.
Regarding the third point, he hasn’t said anything in a public statement yet, but in private he has acknowledged what he has done. In a major move, he is getting tested so that his sexual health status will move from “Unknown, High Risk” to either Positive or Negative. This will not justify the way he has treated the women he targeted or the fact that he lied to them in order to get them to have unprotected sex with him. But, if he comes back Negative, it will put their minds at ease and, if he comes back Positive, they will all be able to assess their own situations and get medical treatment as necessary.
I have also been told that he is now looking into therapy and other support programs. Even though he is now taking steps, some have asked why there was not an in-person group intervention. A big part is that local people knew he was doing at least some of it, but, after seeing how his previous partners have been treated by the scene, they were afraid of speaking up. Another big part is how geographically dispersed the people he has targeted are. One of the major conditions that has allowed him to deceive so many people for so long is that he has been targeting people all across the country and only a very few knew the extent of it. I was one of those people and I finally spoke up. Even I was surprised by how many people I didn’t know that were affected.
Now, many of the people whose lives he has negatively impacted have a voice. And he is finally listening.
Many people have painted me the villain. Yet, most of those people have no idea of our history and do not understand the depth of our past friendship. If he makes amends for what he has done and continues to get the help he needs, I will very likely be the happiest person out of all of you. So, all of this is good, if raw and painful, news.
But there has also been a war going on, where his newer supporters and his estranged family are doing everything they can to force sides to be taken and to shut down both myself and the women who have spoken up.
Honestly, in many ways what they have done has been pretty effective. They managed to get my original post pulled down, my follow up post pulled down, and a story from someone who he used and that I posted on my page pulled down (I got temporarily banned from Facebook for that). Further, (and Facebook’s decision to do this shows a severe flaw in their algorithms) almost all of the women’s individual stories that they posted on their own pages were pulled down. All by reporting us for ‘bullying’. Pretty fucked up, honestly.
But, as a result, we are creating another safer space for these women to tell their stories and where we will post information and educational content on psychological and emotional abuse. It will be online soon. So far, he has remained publicly silent through all of this. I think it is safe to assume that he is waiting for his test results to get back. Any way about it, though, I am patiently waiting for his statement. I encourage everyone else to do the same.
This is not a smear campaign. It is about creating a safe environment for the women affected and for helping him to get the help he needs. As such, there will be no trash talk and no debate on this thread from anyone at all. If someone posts something negative or unconstructive, it will be removed. There are no sides here. Our goal is to help everyone be safe.