From the Sister of an Ex

[Adapted from a Facebook post she originally made on Dec. 21, 2018. Posting on her behalf and at her request.]

Without going into personal details, my sister and Andy Deane were in a relationship for 11 years. So for 11 years he was part of my family. I cared about Andy a lot and even now I want him to be a good person. But he is not. He does horrible things and he gets away with it because people let him. He is manipulative, emotionally abusive, and continuously misrepresents himself and his intentions. This is not speculation. I have seen this firsthand.

For years I kept quiet out of respect for my sister’s privacy. I wanted to shout from the rooftops what he had done and how he had mistreated her. But my sister had already been hurt, betrayed, and humiliated enough and needed to get through this privately, in her own way. So I kept quiet about the lies and the cheating and also the ways in which he financially manipulated my family. But I cannot keep quiet any more because he has only gotten worse and he is doing things that I believe to be a risk to people’s mental and sexual health.

I heard a friend joke that this is “Trump’s America” and people think they can do whatever they want without consequences. This is not ok. This needs to stop. And people need to be called out and held accountable for their bad behavior.

Now I realize that some people I know here in town go way back and have a history with Andy. He is your friend. And I don’t expect you to stop being friends with him.

But I do hope that people stop supporting him, enabling his behavior, and letting him think it’s ok to act this way without consequences. Stop booking shows with him. Stop playing his music. Stop promoting his band. Stop paying attention to him. Hit him where it hurts. Maybe then he will finally take a good look at who he is and get the help that he so desperately needs.

I should also note that neither myself or my family have anything to gain by my posting this. I’m posting this because I don’t like seeing people get hurt and I believe someone needs to speak up for the victims.